5 questions to ask your spouse in the new year and why they will help
With resolutions front of mind as the new year gets underway, one family expert is sharing helpful tips to strengthen your relationship in the new year.
Divorce and family attorney Dennis Vetrano Jr., who is also a relationship advice podcaster, spoke with "Good Morning America" to offer insights on everything from perfect dates to communication tips.
Here are five questions he says you should be asking your spouse in the new year.
1. "What can I do to help you?"
Vetrano notes that, especially around the holidays, chores, tasks and conflicting schedules can easily overwhelm couples.
"They want to hear that you are in tune with them enough to notice they're stressed out. Notice how hard they're working. Notice what they bring to the table and say, 'Hey, I'm your partner. I'm here to support you. What can I do to help you?'"
Vetrano said the simple act of asking this question will indicate that partners are "in tune" with one another.
2. "Do you feel like you're being heard?"
Vetrano explained that oftentimes, as relationships grow, the windows of time spent listening to one's spouse can start to shrink.
"During those little windows, they wanna feel like you're engaged enough with them to be listening to the things they have to say," he said.
Checking in regularly can "make sure they understand that you're listening to them on so many different levels," according to Vetrano.
Vetrano likened the advice to rules he had working for large companies growing up, which he said encouraged strong co-worker communication.
"That means the company functions better," he said, adding that "if you're interacting on a positive level with your spouse, your family is going to work like a well-oiled machine."
3. "Is there something I can do to give you some 'me' time?"
Vetrano emphasized the importance of time spent away from a spouse or significant other.
"They need to know that they can step away," said Vetrano.
The time should be spent doing something one's significant other enjoys doing alone.
"Maybe it's meditation. Maybe it's yoga. Maybe it's reading a book … my wife likes to watch 'The Crown,'" he shared.
4. "Do you feel appreciated?"
Vetrano said that understanding what your spouse or significant other is contributing to the relationship is paramount to that partner feeling valued.
He said he has noticed in the divorce cases he has worked that a lack of appreciation was often at the root of a couple's troubles.
"I think one of the biggest issues in divorce cases that I'm seeing are ladies who feel like they're doing it all," he said.
"They're at the point where they're at their breaking point. And now what we're seeing is more and more middle-aged women coming in and saying, 'I can't take it anymore.' I think the starting point for the husbands in those situations, and or any spouse really, is to be in-tune with what your husband or wife is bringing to the table."
5. "What's your best date night?"
Vetrano noted this is a tougher question to answer and follow through with as relationships develop with age and family commitments.
"The only way you're going to really engage this information, or really gather the information you need here, is to ask your husband or wife, 'What would be the perfect date night?'" he said.
He said asking this question can be beneficial for two reasons. First, one's partner will feel listened to, and second, a couple might be inspired to actually execute the plan.
Editor's note: This story was originally published on Jan. 5, 2024.
